Now It's Just Forgiving Myself?

So for a very long time I have been struggling with terrorizing myself over my actions, and basically who I was when I was younger and in school. As I have written before on here, Ms. Jill Peacocke my English teacher for wow, um a good (not in that sense!) couple years had been on my mind and I had been humming and thinking about her. I was determined to find her, and that I did. I must say. The internet is a scary place. www.goggle.ca and 2 words found her 'Peacocke' 'teacher' Bam there she was! Now that I had her 'job email' in my hands it was preparing myself to write her.

On Highland Secondary website I saw that not only does she still teach English but now also Psychology. Okay yep I buy that. I mean she was basically doing that since I have known her anyways.

I will admit I was extremely scared. That little girl back in grade 8 came up out of me. But my heart had to say what I needed to say, and I had to know that she 'knew' and heard not only my feelings, but my sincere apology and my thanks.

I entitled it Ms. Peacocke....It's me 'Calnan'

I can't imagine what went racing across her brain when she saw that in her email box the next morning. But when I awoke there was a reply waiting for me on my phone. This is what I opened up:

Well, Miss Calnan,
this is quite an email.
First, thank you for such kind words. Second, you have always been amazing, but nobody is really 'normal' in grade 8!! You were who you were..teachers have pretty tough skins, and don't take much personally. What I do love though, is that you are finding your way, and that is what really matters.
I do love my kids, and I am glad that love travelled with you. It is supposed to.
And a bit of you travels with me.
So, as I race off to get ready for class, I send you a big hug and a thank you for thinking of me. As Tennyson says in one of his poems, "I am a part of all that I have met"..we travel together still.
much love,
ms p

I couldn't believe it. After what I put this woman through for years...she still manages to say to me...'you have always been amazing'.

That single quote proves to me again...that she is one of my Gifts of Reasoning From God!

And even though I have said it before, and now have said it to her I will say it again:

'So many times you should have walked away from me...but you didn't. And because of your strength and endurance I am better because of you. Thank you so much Ms. P for everything you have ever done for me. You were truly a blessing in disguise in my life, I'm sorry it took me so many years to realize...and to say thank you.'

Now I guess it's just forgiving myself?
We'll get to that in another post!

Cheers!
rAiN