~I Cried For You Today~

I cried for you today but unlike other days, it was different.
Since your death, I find it hard not to cry. Tears will fall at some point in the day. Sometimes with reason, other times for none at all. Sometimes I know they are coming, others not. What was different with today is I didn't cry 'because of you' I cried 'for you'....but rAiN...she did cry plenty of rAiNcRiEs for you'....Today I cried.

I have been reading a lot of different things, from your fans across the world. So many people I have met from so many different countries. Their stories become my story, and my story becomes theirs. In the end...it becomes 'our story'. All of us, in the millions, no matter what the situation is in some part of every fans story you seem to see a glimpse of your own Michael Jackson story. Weather it be the same age you became a fan, or what the first song you heard was, your favorite tour, for us woman...The gold pants *wink*. No matter what it is, somehow we all have a connection. And you Michael are our connection. Although it's funny, you can tell us old school fans and followers from the new generation. You see their age, and hear something like, 'My first Michael Jackson song I heard was You Are Not Alone, I was 7 years old and loved him since' Then you hear us old timers. Some go back to watching you on the Ed Sullivan show, others it was Off the Wall, or Thriller. But no matter what...all of us around the world are connected by your L.O.V.E

For me you are so many things but there is so much you aren't just...to me. Like a musician that I have followed my whole life. You aren't just someone that I have held higher then most things. That I have had the most respect, and undying love for. Michael you are so much more to me then this. I didn't think that I could respect and love you any more then I already did. Until I sat down and reminisced and was overwhelmed when I realize just how much you have given to me, and brought to my life. You did this, not just for me, but for millions upon millions of people from every point of the world.

You have given me many of my life's 'firsts'. From the very beginning my first adventure. I mean real adventure. At 5 years old...my first rule breaker, doing it...knowing the consequence. Realizing it, but still going for what my heart told me to do. I did this...and found you. My first 'crush'. My first 'beat'. Now when I say beat, I mean musically. Thriller...how that beat impacted my lil' 5 year old soul. It's that impact I still carry with me today, the same beat that still boom booms in my brain. There are so many 'firsts' I couldn't possibly list them all.

I cried for you today, after spending the day with my nephew. He is so in love with you Michael. My lil' mini me. He watches you with such intensity, with such purity, and love. The same silly look I had on my face at 5 years old. He wants so desperately to dance like you, and sing your songs...not only for himself but for me. Yesterday as he left my house I said to him. "Alright J, go and rock out with Michael". He said 'Oh don't you worry Aunty I will. And when I get big I'm gonna dance, and sing, and look just like him so you wont be as sad, and you wont miss him as much Aunty'

Gosh, even a 5 year old can see the pain raining out of my pours...God I'm crying for you Michael.



I cried for you today...but it's not like its been before. In a couple hours we will be welcoming a new decade, a brand new year...without you. How do we do this? How do we stop our tears? Tell me how do I stop crying for you?

Cause today I cried for you...and I can't stop.


~rAiNcRiEs
12.31.09~5:36pm