When?

So many things have all just come center fold
in the past couple days about you. I have to wonder if
I wished I didn't know them. Or really if I was better off not knowing.
Even though, I always knew. But to hear it come out of your mouth.
The hurt in your words...and finally read in detail. What exactly you did
to your body...your beautiful, beautiful body.

I have been going back in time. Trying to remember everything you have said, that I have
heard you say. Your feelings, the stories. The tears you have shed. Wow the world was so blind.
Many just had no clue. Then I get angry and wonder why the people that truly love you...never trusted
themselves enough to try and stop you. To get you help. Someone for you to talk to. Someone to love you.

But...then again, who was there for you to trust?

I wonder when the self loafing started with you. Was it at the starting of your career? Joseph? When your vitaligo became noticable?
The pepsi accident?
When did you start feeling that you needed to hide the real you...
not hide to the world, or your fans...but hide from yourself?
I keep wondering why?
Why you didn't listen, why you thought you didn't need to listen.
To your Mother, your sister, your true friends...to Jehovah.


When Michael...

When did you start not trusting yourself?

Cause no matter what you thought, or didn't think.
No matter what you changed, or tried to change
No matter when this happened, no matter...why it happened.

Nothing is going to bring you back
Nothing is going to change your mind
Nothing is going to change the past
Nothing is going to change June 25th 2009

I just wish before you fell asleep, you just listened...if only for a second.

I love you boy, and I miss those silent feet.

Beyond anything!

~rAiN